Mistney Spearows
by Edgy23
Summary: Misty's brain becomes fused with the superslut Britney Spears!!! Can Ash and Jigglypuff save her before she becomes transformed into a ho?! PIMP ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!!! 3rd Saga of "Popstarmon"!!!
1. Pokemon Pervertokemon

mspear1.html **Author's Note:** Hello, peoples!!! Me again, here to bring you the last of three long series, Mistney Spearows!!! For those of you new to reading this series, it's strongly recommended you read both The Palletstreet Boys and Jiminem, or else this will make even less that it already does!!! I'm not writing comedy for a while after this one, but look for "Crouching Togepi, Hidden Pikachu" to come after I'm finished with this final series. And now *drum roll* for the WARNINGS!!! Giovanni-bashing, Richie-bashing, Tracey-bashing, Meowth torture, Pikachu and Eastern Philosophy parody, Madonna-bashing, the nude return of George Michael and SERIOUS Britney-bashing dead ahead!!! 

**MISTNEY SPEAROWS**

**CHAPTER 1- Pokemon Pervertokemon**

It was a beautiful day in the city of Viridian. The Sentret played beautifully across Route 1 as the Poliwag skipped across the nearby lake.   
_...rumble...rumble..._   
The Pokemon Center bustled with new young trainers awaiting that one day they might become pokemon masters. Boys and girls met here from far and wide, striking friendships and romances while waiting for their pokemon.   
_...rumble...bumble...rumble..._   
All seemed blissfully in place as couples looked out of Viridian's highest skyscrapers across the lovely landscape.   
_...rumble...rumble...mumble..._   
Even a certain crime boss enjoyed the view from his headquarters as he yawned, "Aww...life is great. Jessie, James and Meowth are out of my hair, the pokemon anime is still suspended so I can turn my attention to my occupation as a criminal mastermind, and best of all, that little boy's redheaded girlfriend is raking in millions for Team's Rocket's music division. Who'd a thought exploiting horny teen boys would be so easy and profitable?! Nothing can ruin this moment..." All of a sudden, he noticed the ground shaking and took notice of something very huge in the distance_**.**..RUMBLE...RUMBLE...RUMBLE..._   
"WHAT THE F!@%! IS THAT?!"   
(insert theme of "Flight of the Valkryies")   
"HAPPEE EASTER!!! HAAAAA!!!!!". The voice came from the speakers of a HUGE, pink, mechanized robot. It was Jigglypuff-shaped, but moved on spiked, pink feet capable of mincing anything on the ground into a bloody pulp. It was armed with 18 mini-nuke rocket bays, 24 chaingun nail cannons each capable of firing 500 rounds per second, 30 RPG (Rocket-Propelled Grenade) Launchers, 2 large shoulder-mounted ion-fusion laser cannons, 12 plasma bomb launching railguns, and was armored with 12-foot thick titanium alloy walls combined with a battery-powered force field.   
Giovanni shivered, "...IT BE...JIG...JIG...JIGGLYPUFF!!!"   
Ash took over the mike, "GIMME BACK MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU BALDING, BREASTFEEDING, PERSIAN-MOLESTING, TWO-BIT GODFATHER RIPOFF!!!"   
Giovanni growled, "I DO NOT MOLEST MY PERSIAN!!!"   
Ash snickered audibly on the intercom to Jigglypuff in a 'Dr. Evil'-like voice, "No, Mini-Me...We do not eat Mr. Bigglesworth...heh-heh..."   
"WHY YOU???!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!," Giovanni yelled on his cellphone, "SEND IN TEAM ROCKET'S ARMADA, NOW!!!"   
Jigglypuff revved up the ultimate in mechanized combat machinery, "FEEELL ZE WRATH OF ZE... 

**...PUFF DEUS!!!"**

Back in Pallet Town... 

It was around midday at Oak's Lab. Delia Ketchum listened intently as Professor Oak continued instructing everyone in his TAE-BOAK® class...   
"Shake your booties left and right!!! Left, right, left, right, " Oak said as he inspected his pupils butt movement.   
"How am I doing, Professor?" Delia asked.   
"Ohh, you're no doubt my star bootie, err I mean star pupil!!! Yes!!! Pupil!!! Heh-hehe..." Oak sweatdrops.   
"Now shake your chests up and down!!! Up!!! Down!!! Up!!! Down!!! Faster, faster!!!" 

Brock and Sailor Mars, James and Jessie were still at Ash's house making out on the sofa, seriously pondering a trip to the bedrooms upstairs, but mindful of the PG-13 rating. That plus the girls had chastity belts on.   
"Rei, my lips are tired. Maybe we should watch TV,"Brock mumbled.   
"Jessie, my lips are tired too," James winced.   
Both Rei and Jessie yelled, "WE HAVE TO KEEP KISSING OR WE'RE GONNA GET BORED!!! THERE'S NOTHING TO DO IN THIS HOUSE!!!"   
A really bad, yet enticing idea came into Jame's head, "HEY!!! Why don't we throw...A HOUSE PARTY?!"   
Brock butted in, "NO WAY!!! We can't do that in someone else's house!!! Besides, there aren't enough people in Pallet Town to fill one room of this house!!!"   
Rei tickled him on the chest, "Oh Brocky, please!!! I can phone some friends over!!! PLEASE!!!"   
Brock turned to a blushing mush as Jessie yelled, "HOUSE PARTY, HOUSE PARTY!!!!!!" 

Meanwhile in the backyard, Meowth is standing on one foot on a wooden barrel, being trained in the Chu Dan fighting arts by Hidden Pikachu, while Crouching Togepi sits under a tree while meditating on the ancient Zen question "If an egg is frying on a pan in an empty kitchen, does it make a sound?"   
Hidden Pikachu grabs a bamboo stick and smacks Meowth on his standing leg.   
SMACK!!!   
"MEOWCH!!! What'cha do that for?!" Meowth yelled.   
Pikachu held its paws together, "Focus your pain on your kata!!! The sky is your butterfly..."   
"HUH?!"   
"For it is written by Confucius, 'The walk to true enlightenment begins on your pinkie toe..."   
"WHAT?!"   
"Horny Princess Muki once wrote, 'The bamboo rod is stiffest in the morning..."   
"EHH?!...?!"   
"And ambiguously homosexual Ming-Chow once said, 'Pain is like Boy George. It stings at first but you fall in love with it later..."   
"BOY GEORGE?!"   
Pikachu started chanting, "Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma...chameleon..."   
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
SMACK!!! Pikachu smacks him again with the bamboo rod, "Don't yell!!!"   
"...sorry..." 

._..ding-dong..._   
Ash's doorbell rang and the two couples nervously ran to open the door and were surprised, "Tracey?! Melody?! Richie?!"   
Tracey, "Hey guys!!! Congratulations on killing Eminem!!!"   
Melody growled, "Where's Ash?! Sorry to hear Misty's brain has been fused with the superslut Britney, but now that Ash is available..."   
Richie butted in, " I heard Ash captured Barney!!! I've always loved Barney and I was hoping he could show me!"   
Everyone looked at him, turned blue and sweatdropped as Richie said, "Hey wha' did I say...*gulp*...?" 

Jessie broke the silence, "HEY!!! You came at just the right time. Though the twerp isn't here, we're gonna be throwing a house party and you three are invited!!!"   
Tracey held his chin, "Does Ash know?"   
Brock pulled Tracey to one side, "No, he doesn't know and you're not saying a thing..."   
"And why not?"   
"I'll tell everyone here about your latest hentai series featuring you and Giselle..."   
"NOT "POKEMON TECH PASSION"!!! YOU WOULDN'T DARE!!!"   
"Hey guys!!! Tracey's got some great drawings he wants to...*BANG*...ouch!!!"   
Tracey smacked Brock on the head with his sketchbook and yelled, "HOUSE PAR-TAY!!!"   
Melody exclaimed, "Cool! A house party!!! Will Ash be here soon?!"   
Jessie, ever the manipulator, pulled Melody in the house, "Oh, he'll be here...and completely available. With the redheaded twerp gone, you're poised to be his next piece of bootie..."   
Melody's eyes got big and starry, "YOU REALLY THINK SO?!"   
"Definitely!!! I'll even help you with my world-famous beauty secrets guaranteed to seduce him!!!"   
Richie looked on as both Tracey and Melody got pulled in, "HEY!!! What about me?! I wanna see Barney!!!" 

Elsewhere, back in a hidden recording studio deep inside a hidden Team Rocket HQ, our semi-brainwashed redhead heroine, Misty, sits back in chair while being instructed in the arts of slutdom by the grand archqueen of ho-osity, Madonna.   
"AND SO YOU SEE, EH...NISTY, RIGHT?"   
"Umm...Misty, ma'am."   
"YAH, THAT'S WHA' I SAID, GISTY. THIS IS HOW YOU F!%$ AND S!%% AND !$@!@*!@ AND GET PWEGNANT BY COMPLETE MALE STWANGERS!!! I'S EASY, RRRIGHT?!"   
Misty raised an eyebrow, "Umm, I don't know how to say this, but that was completely disgusting and quite disturbing given the fact you're saying this stuff in front of your kids. I fear for how your children are gonna turn out."   
But all of a sudden, the Britney side of Misty's brain quickly took over her mouth, "F!%! AND S!~!% OOH YEAH!!! Where's Justin Timberlake?! I owe him a good blow!!! ACK!!!"   
Soon after, Misty regained control, "EWWW GROSS!!! Man, what just came out of me?!"   
Madonna cheered, "THA'S DA SPIWIT!!! NOW, LEMME DEMONSTWATE SEX WIT' A CHAIR!!! LOURDES, COME AND WATCH MUMMY!!!"   
Misty sweatdropped and left the room just as Madonna was starting her demonstration of chair sex in front of her kids. She looked up at the setting sun and slowly but beautifully, an image of a certain semi-pubescent, scruffy haired boy popped into her head, "Who is he?! Why can't I remember him?"   
The Britney side of her brain repossessed her control,"HE'S SOMEONE WE CAN BLOW!!!"   
Misty quickly suppressed it again, "ACK!!! Shut up!!! I feel like singing a loving song about this boy..."   
(A/N Misty's parts sung to no song in particular, but Britney's parts are perversions of "Karaokemon" songs) 

Oh...who are you?   
Are you a friend?   
With a Pikachu   
And a love that'll never end   
"...ACK!!!" (Britney takes over) 

_BRIT-NEY-SPEARS!!!_   
_She sucks 'em like no other!!!_   
_I-CHOOSE-YOU!!!_   
_Because you carry rubbers!!!_   
_I've been waiting all this night_   
_Waiting for this time_   
_For my blowjob to arrive!!!_   
_And now that I'm here!!!_   
_We can disappear!!!_   
_In the motel until 5!!!_   
_'Cause in the superslut world!!!_

"...ACK!!! Will you stop that?!"   
Take me into your arm   
I'm sure there'll be no harm   
When you look into my eyes...   
And within there, our love lies...ACK!!! (Britney again...) 

_THE HORNY FEELING_   
_Never let ya down_   
_I've got the greatest hooker_   
_That ever could be found._   
_Across every centerfold_   
_Behind every pimp_   
_On top of every mattress_   
_She's a ho for you and me_   
_ONE WHORE_   
_One whore now and forever_   
_Best blows_   
_Best blows that leave your d!@% blue_   
_WET DREAMS_   
_thats side by side_   
_There's nothing she can't screw_   
_We hump_   
_Sharing in a threesome...OH YEAH!!!..._   
_YOU AND ME AND BRITNEY SPEARS!!!_

"...ACK!!!" Misty clutched her head, noticing it was getting harder to control the terrifying pop star slut's brain. Suddenly, a flash of light shone before her and out of that light came a completely naked figure.   
"HELLO, MY LITTLE BOYS!!! OH DEAR GOD, THIS ISN'T THE SAN FRANCISCO RAINBOW FESTIVAL?! I TELEPORTED TO THE WRONG RESTROOM...OOPS, DID THAT SLIP?!"   
Misty asked him, "Excuse me, but who are you?!"   
"OH, HELLO DEAR. I'M GEORGE MICHAEL. HEY, YOU SEEM FAMILIAR?! AREN'T YOU THE GIRLFRIEND OF THAT BOY WITH THE DELICIOUS RUMP...OOPS, DID THAT SLIP?!"   
"Girlfriend?! You mean I have a boyfriend?! Please, you have to help me!!! Part of my memory is gone and I have a superslut called Britney Spears stuck in my brain...ACK!!!...SUCK!!! SUCK!!! SUCK!!! HOW 'BOUT SOME HEAD!!!"   
George Michael limped his wrist, "SORRY HONEYCHILD, I DON'T SWING ON THAT SIDE OF THE STREET, BUT, SINCE YOU'RE ASH'S GIRLFRIEND, I'M GONNA HELP YOU. JUST DON'T FLIRT WITH ME!!! I AM QUITE HAPPY BEING GEORGE MICHAEL!!!"   
Misty grinned, "Okay!!! ACK!!!..._JUSTIN!! OH, JUSTIN!!! HOWIE!!! OH, HOWIE!!!_ _A ONE CLIENT TRICK'S WHAT I WANNA BE, BUT THERE'S TWO PERFECT PIMPS FOR ME!!! HEY!!! OH!!!"_   
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

**Next Episode:** Jigglypuff Vs. Team Rocket's Entire Armada!!! Ash infiltrates Team Rocket HQ and goes on a penile dismembering rampage!!! Misty does a concert with Elton John?! Team Rocket and pals throw the mother of all house partys, but the evil pop star known as Aaron Carter has plans to use the party to infest the world with a race of flesh-eating pop star mutant spawn!!! Can he be stopped?! 


	2. 

mspear2.html **Author's Note:** Sorry for not updating for so long, but I have a SERIOUS case of writer's block, and am running low on stupid ideas, which might be evident in this latest chapter, as it's not up to my funniest abilities. But, there's some light humor and much needed plot development. And once again for the infamous warnings: Elton John bashing, Shaq bashing, HEAVY Aaron Carter bashing, Psyduck becomes a kingpin *cough*, Jackie Chan dissing (he's cool, though), Fabio bashing (the bulked-up homo who did those annoying "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" commercials), mooning, wanton castration, and Jenna Bush dissing dead ahead!!! I'm saving the best stuff for next chapter!!! 

**MISTNEY SPEAROWS**

**Chapter 2- That's How I Beat Shaq's Meat**

Techno, club, and R&B music boomed from a small house on the outskirts of Pallet Town. In the span of just a few short hours, Team Rocket managed to turn Ash's humble household into the most happening night scene in Pallet, LeTwerps. James and Jessie danced with the crowd, while Brock and Sailor Mars maintained a makeshift non-alcoholic bar in Ash's kitchen. Unknown to either of them, Misty's Psyduck got out of its pokeball and swiftly started and masterminded an organized crime ring in the house, dealing in "Pez"stasy, room rentals, and contract hits. 

The strobe and lasery club-like effects jumped around as Tracey danced in the middle of the den, "GEE, ALL THE HOT BABES ARE HERE!!!: Erika, Prima, Professor Ivy, Ryoko?! (I guess they're letting any anime character in here), and GISELLE!!! *GULP!!! (hearts starts pounding as the theme from Romeo and Juliet cues up)"   
Giselle walks up to Tracey, "What are you staring at?! Oh, you must be that pokemon voyeur, umm I mean watcher, right?!"   
Tracey starts drooling, "Yeah-yeah!!! That be me!!! Voyeur!!!"   
Giselle blushes,"Umm...wanna dance?!"   
Tracey starts acting like Brock, "HEHEHEH!!! SURE!!!"   
(a half-hour later...)   
"I THINK I'M IN WUV..."   
"ME TOO, TRACEY-KINS...Umm...wanna go upstairs to be alone?! Even though it's off limits, I can pull a few strings around here...   
"Really?!"   
"Yup," Giselle calls out her Cubone and whispers in his skull, "Send a message to...the Psyfather!!!(mob theme from "the Godfather" cues up)" 

**Meanwhile...**

Hidden Pikachu and Crouching Togepi sat on a stump somewhere in Ash's backyard against the setting sun. Meowth kneeled before them, awaiting to be inducted into the Chu Dan fighting school after years, no waitaminit, hours of intense martial arts training.   
HIdden Pikachu held his hands together, "You have mastered the arts of the Chu Dan, endured the torture of the stiff bamboo, meditated upon the philosophy of Tito Jackson, learned to move your lips to bad Chinese action movie dubs, withstood the ugly photos of an aging Jackie Chan, and now you are ready to face the final test."   
Crouching Togepi rolled out a carpet of rice paper, "You must walk across the rice paper without ripping it open."   
Meowth sweatdropped, "BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!! I HAVE CLAWS ON MY FEET!!!"   
Pikachu said, "Umm, okay...uhh, hear the sound of one hand clapping."   
"I don't have hands. I have paws."   
"Ehh?! Umm, do some dirty dancing with Togepi?!" (Togepi sweatdrops)   
"I'm not that type of cat!!!"   
"Say "Yo quiero Taco Bell?!"   
"I'm not a half-starved Chihuahua!!!"   
"Aww...what the hell, you're in. From now on, you shall be known among the Chu Dan as MEOWTHHOPPER!!!   
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"   
"*smack!* Don't yell!!!"   
"...sorry..." 

Ash and Jigglypuff pressed their bare butts against the windshield of the Puff Deus, mooning Giovanni while Team Rocket's Armada, a mess of 20 armor tanks, 18 fighter jets, 12 assault choppers, and 9 missile trucks flew into Viridian City.   
The general of the Team Rocket Armada radioed Giovanni, "You want us to destroy what?!"   
"THERE IS A HUGE PINK MECHA-JIGGLYPUFF IN FRONT OF TEAM ROCKET HQ BEING DRIVEN BY A HALF-INSANE JIGGLYPUFF AND A PUBESCENT RUNT!!! THEY'RE MOONING ME!!!"   
"Boss, have you been snorting Pez powder with Robert Downey Jr. and Charlie Sheen again?!"   
"NO!!! I'M F!@%!IN' SOBER THIS TIME, DAMN YOU!!!"   
The general snickered to his squad, "You hear that, boy?! A mecha-jigglypuff!!! HAHAHAHA!!! WHAT?! (sees a missile is launched at his jet) OH DEAR GOD!!!!!!!!!!!"   
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
"BIG 'O' EET'S SHO'TIME!!! OOPS, WRONG ANIME!!! HAAAAAAAAA!!!" Jigglypuff laughed insanely as the fiery remains of the commander's jet fell to the ground in a fiery blaze, "ZE ASH, I VEEL HOLD ZEM OFF WHILE YOO INFILTRATE ZE TEAM ROCKET HQ AND SAVE ZE SEXY REDHEAD!!!"   
"Gotcha, Jigglypuff!!!" Ash said as he ran down to the center of the Puff Deus and got into one of the local teleporters, "Beam me up, Jiggly!!!"   
Jigglypuff pushed the teleport button and Ash quickly found himself inside the HQ, but little did he know of the weird dangers he will encounter. 

**Elsewhere, in San Francisco (A.K.A. The Twilight Zone of America)**

Mistney and George Michael teleported to a weird stage in the middle of San Francisco, surrounded by hordes of gay and lesbian peoples parading around. Everyone from NAMBLA to Dikes on Bikes was there, chanting gay pride, trading used condoms, and making reservations at the local restrooms.   
"George, what're we doing here, and why are those lesbians staring at me like that?!"   
"IN ORDER FOR ME TO HELP YOU, YOU NEED TO SING FOR MY BIG GAY FRIEND ELTON JOHN FOR THE CROWD, OH AND THE LESBIANS ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY TO USE THEIR SEX TOYS ON, OOPS, DID THAT SLIP?!"   
"*Gulp!* Oookay...ACK!!! SEX TOYS?! WHERE?!...ACK!!! Stop that!!!" Misty and Britney struggled for control.   
Magically, out of nowhere, Elton John appeared. He wore a pink thong bikini and a Disney cap and spoke really fast and for some reason couldn't pronounce the letter "S".   
"OH-BADABEE!!! THOO!!! THOO!!! I be Elton John, gay muthithian and Dithney prothtitute!!! And who might yoo be?!"   
"Hello, I'm Misty...ACK!!! THE SEXUAL SUPERSTAR!!!...ACK!!! Stop that!!!"   
Elton John got on his fat knees and cried, "PLEATHE HELP ME!!! All my big gay friendth think I thold out after I did that conthert with Eminem and now I have to make up for it!!! If I don't make them happy, they gonna thexually moletht me!!!"   
Misty sweatdropped,"Thexually moletht you?! What's "thexually moletht" mean?"   
"THEXUALLY MOLETHT ME!!! THEXUALLY MOLETHT ME!!! They gonna take me to da Amoco rethtroom of lutht and violate my chubby hindpartth!!!"   
"Oh, that." Misty sweatdropped, "Okay, I guess I'll do it, if you can get this superslut Britney Spears out of my brain and get me back together with the cute boy and his Pikachu. Who do I have to sing with?"   
"Yoo be opening for me with...DETHTINY'TH CHILD WITH THEIR NEW BAND LEADER, THAILOR MINIMOON!!!"   
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

**Team Rocket HQ...**

Ash pulled out the penile dismemberer and slowly made his way through the dark corners of the headquarters. He came across a pink door labeled "The guys who touched Misty" room. Ash heard murmurs from the side of the door.   
"Fernando, how did Misty's butt feel?"   
"It felt like squeezing a freshly cooked muffin!!! How about you, Chaz?!"   
"Her legs felt like Bellossom petals, dude!!! I can't wait to cop a feel of 'em in our next video!!!"   
Pissed off as hell, Ash busted in through the door and growled, "KISS YOUR NADS GOODBYE, YOU HALF-NAKED GIRLY-MEN YOU!!!!!! *boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom!!!!*   
Small, sperm-guided explosive bullets made their way to the mens' crotches, exploding on impact and leaving a bloody mess in their boxers, "WHERE'S MISTY, YOU RECENTLY CASTRATED FAGMONKEYS!!!"   
A voice came from the far corner of the room, "She be not here, little boy..."   
Ash saw a bulked-up, half-naked dude with a heavy Italian accent and the I.Q. of half a grapefruit, "Umm, who're you, an aging reject from a Chippendale's strip club?!"   
"HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME!!! I be FABIO, superstar of "I Can Blee I's Not Botter" commercials and overrated model of romance novel covers!!!"   
Ash sweatdropped, "What's "botter"?!"   
Fabio growled, "BOTTER!!! BOTTER!!! I CAN' BELEEF I'S NOT BOTTER!!!"   
"Don't you mean, " I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"?"   
"THA'S WHA' I SAID!!! I CAN' B'LEE I'S NAW BOTTRA!!! Anyway, I work forr sexy Giovanni and he wan's me, how you say, to keel you."   
"Keel me?! What's that?!"   
"KEEL YOU!!! KEEL YOU!!! GIOVANNI WAN'S ME TO KEEL YOU!!!"   
"OH!!! You mean you're gonna "kill" me!!! Well, no chance!!!" Ash pulls out his katana sword, "Let's dance, you nerveless, small-testicled, hormone therapied, transexual half-ape!!!"   
"GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Fabio pulled out an ivory-carved penis which unleashed a lasery blade from the tip, and did his battle cry, "BOTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

**Back in Pallet Town...**

Lt. Surge and Sabrina were hired as bouncers for Club LeTwerp, checking everyone's I.D. and kicking serious ass if necessary.   
"I.D.,...Gene Starwind, and Melfina, you can come in."   
"Oh no, I just came to drop off this kid right here. His name is Tai. He crashed into my ship while I was humping the circuits out of my bio-android girlfriend, and I couldn't find the Digimon world, so I thought the Pokemon world was the next best thing. Oh, and in the last fic, I was supposed to tell that Ash kid and his girlfriend Misty about umm, uhh...?...?..."   
Melfina jumped in, "The importance of love and commitment over lust and petty carnal pleasures..."   
"Yeah, that. But there wasn't enough space in the last fic, so I'm saying it now. Bye!" With that, Gene threw Tai in the club and flew off in the Outlaw Star.   
Sabrina groaned, "That was weird...Next!!!"   
"I.D.,...Jenna Bush!!! (President Bush's daughter...you know, the chubby blonde)...sorry, only anime characters, toots," Lt. Surge groaned.   
"WHA' DO YA' MEAN, MAN?! *hic* I'M THE PRES'DENT'S F!%$#ING DAUGHTER FOR CHRIS-SAKE!!!"   
Sabrina caught a whiff of Jenna's liqoury breath, "OH DEAR GOD!!!" and quickly teleported her back to her car.   
"SCREW YOO!!! ISS A CONSPIRATION,,,ERR...*hiccup* A CONSPIRACINESS...ERR F!#% YOO!!!" Jenna sped off in her car, sideswiping a tree and headed in the direction of Viridian City.   
"Wow, I didn't see that one coming, and I'm the psychic around here," Sabrina thought, "NEXT!!!"   
A very tall black guy and a little white kid on his shoulders came up to Lt. Surge, "I.D., hmm, SHAQUILLE O'NEAL AND AARON CARTER?!...sorry, only anime characters in this club. Besides, you two look like you belong at a NAMBLA meeting..."   
"HOW DARE YOU!! I AM AARON CARTER, THE GREATEST POP STAR OF ALL POPSTARDOM, LORD OF MASTURBATION, ARCHDUKE OF PENILE SELF-STIMULATION, CREATOR OF THE LATEST SINGLE, "THAT'S HOW I BEAT SHAQ'S MEAT!!!"   
Shaq giggled with a large grin, "He beat my meat!!!"   
Sabrina asked, "Umm...what does "beat the meat" mean?!"   
Shaq answered, still with a large grin on his face, "Flog the dolphin, choke the chicken, spank the monkey, heh-heh!!! He beat my meat!!!"   
Aaron growled, "YOU WILL LET US IN NOW!!!"   
"He beat my meat!!!"   
"OR YOU WILL FORCE ME TO USE MY HYPNOTIC JERKOFF POWERS!!!"   
"He beat my meat!!!"   
"WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT, SHAQ?!"   
"He beat my meat!!!"   
"GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!" Aaron starts glowing and rapping weird lyrics while moving his hands up and down in a jerking motion, "IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SEE, HOW I BEAT SHAQ'S MEAT SO DANGEROUSLY!!! SQUEEZE!!! SQUEEZE!!! SQUEEZE!!! JERK!!! JERK!!! IT'S TIME FOR BIG SHAQ'S SPERM TO SQUIRT, OH YEAH!!!"   
Both Aaron and Shaq started disco-dancing, the lyrics and dance moves hypnotizing Lt. Surge and even Sabrina into serious shock.   
"NOW, SHAQUILLE...IT IS TIME TO ENTER THIS CLUB AND SOW THE SEEDS OF A NEW WORLD ORDER!!!"   
"He beat my meat!!!"   
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

**Back in Viridan...**

Jigglypuff, operating the Puff Deus, stood triuphantly over the remains of Team Rocket's Armada. The tanks and missile trucks got minced into a mixture of blood and metal by the Puff Deus's feet, and all airborne enemy were shredded into Diglett droppings by the chaingun nail cannons.   
"HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Jigglypuff growled and taunted on the PA, "HELLO, YOU BALDING UNCLE OF A CRACKHEAD PRIMEAPE!!! ZE GIOVANNI...DO YOO HAF ANYWUN WHO WISHES TO TEST ZE AWESOME MIGHT OF ZE PUFF DEUS!!!"   
Giovanni growled on his cellphone, "CALL IN THE POWER RANGERS NOW!!!" 

**Next Episode (hopefully):** Aaron's Jerkoff Party!!! Jigglypuff Vs. The Power Rangers, and whoever else might be on Team Rocket's payroll!!! Mistney Spearows Vs. Sailor Minimoon and Destiny's Child!!! Hidden Pikachu, Crouching Togepi, and Meowthhopper infiltrate Psyduck's criminal underworld!!! Ash beats up Fabio, but faces off against Giovanni (Luke, I am your father...) The mystery of Ash's real dad revealed!!! And the long-awaited torture of Tracey at the hands of...Giselle?! 


	3. The B-1000

mspear3.html **Author's Note:** EXTRA LONG CHAPTER!!! Gee, the more I write this final series, the longer it seems to get. By now, many of you should've realized I don't really stick to the "next episode" clips I put at the end of these things, but all of what I put down there eventually happens, so don't go saying I didn't stick to everything in whatever review you might write!!! And now for (yup, you guessed it) the warnings: Power Rangers-bashing, Fabio and Barney-bashing, Destiny's Child bashing and assassination, Tracey torture, light Melody dissing, a f!@$ed-up situation involving Snuffleupagus, Big Bird, and Attorney General John Ashcroft, another weird Ash and Misty reunion, light "blondes with fake boobs" bashing (all other blondes are okay I guess),Giovanni and Persian-bashing with suggestive animal porn themes(or is it poke-porn?), and even more BRITNEY BASHING!!! And...an intermission sure to get you pumping. You'll see what I mean...heh-heh... 

**MISTNEY SPEAROWS**

**Chapter 3: The B-1000**

Jigglypuff sipped some coffee, waiting for Ash,"DEES IS SO BORING!!! YOU'D THEENK ZE ASH WOULD'VE ALREADY FOUND MEESTY, AND SOMETHIN' EENTERESTING WOULD HAPPEN RIGHT ABOUT..."   
Extremely annoying music, even more annoying than the Digimon theme started in the background, " POW, POW, POW, POW POWER RANGERS JACKASS SQUAD!!! POWER HOMOS GOOOOO!!!!!!!!"   
"WHAT EEN ZE HELL IS DAT???!!!"   
"POWER RANGERS, GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
"AW, SH!#%," Jigglypuff scrambled with the controls as the Power Rangers latest MegaZord flew in. It was slightly bigger than the Puff Deus, and looked like many of the previous MegaZords, except it wore a tootoo, lipstick, a D-cup bra, and wielded a padded baton for a weapon.   
"WE ARE THE LATEST POWER RANGERS, THE POLITICALLY CORRECT JACKASS SQUAD!!!"   
"I'm Bob the Red Ranger, the Baptist, ultra-conservative white guy!!!"   
"I'm Jill the Pink Ranger, the bleeding liberal feminist college student!!!"   
"I'm Tyrone the Black Ranger, umm...the black guy who can dance!!!"   
"I'm Amy the Yellow Ranger, the adopted, culturally divorced Chinese girl!!!"   
"And I'm Renaldo the Rainbow Ranger, the gay, activist half Puerto-Rican, half Mexican!!!"   
Jigglypuff groaned, "AND WHAT IN ZE HELL DOES ALL ZAT MEAN?!"   
Simulataneously, "WE'RE GONNA KICK YOUR POKE´ASS!!! GO "TOOTOO MEGAZORD"!!!".   
The Puff Deus pulled out a huge mike and pulled off the foam tip, unleashing a lightsabery blade, "BEFORE WE BATTLE TO ZE DEATH, POWER RANGERS, I MUST ASSK YOU ZE QUESTION OF GREAT MYSTEREE!!! WHY EES IT ALL ZE TEENAGERS ON ZE POWER RANGERS TEAMS GET PROGRESSIVELY UGLIER AS ZE SERIES CONTINUES???!!!"   
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
(A/N Am I the only one who's noticed? Compare the first Power Rangers Team and then the second, the third, the fourth...) 

Ash and Fabio locked swords, but Ash found himself quickly overpowered and was pushed to the floor by the steroid-pumped Chippendale's reject, "You canna overpower de awesome might of Fabio!!!"   
Ash snickered, "Think Ash...If you can't overpower him, then outsmart him...Oh!!! I got it!!!"   
He grabbed the purple pokeball the Eminems gave him, "BARNEY, I CHOOSE YOU!!!"   
Our hero fumbled for his pokedex to see what attacks Barney might have to use against Fabio, but quickly took notice of something very disturbing and unexpected happening between Barney and Fabio.   
"IT IS...BARNEY!!!" Fabio blushed, "THE MUSE OF MY SEXUAL FANTASIES I'S HERE!!!"   
Barney also blushed, "I LOVE YOU!!! YOU LOVE ME!!!"   
Fabio continued the song, "WE'RE AS HAPPY AS CAN BE!!! OH BARNEY!!! I HAF LONG FANTASIZED MEETING YOO AND FULFILLING MY MOST PERVERTED ITALIAN FOOT FETISHES WI' YOU!!!"   
In a swift movement, Fabio swept Barney off its feet and carried him away to God-knows-where, leaving Ash dumbfounded, "Well this is cool. Both Fabio and Barney are off my hands, but now to find Misty!!!"   
"NOT SO FAST, LITTLE BOY!!!"   
"WHO'RE YOU?! (insert Empire theme from Star Wars) Oh, it's the balding mobster with the Persian fetish..."   
"I DO NOT HAVE A PERSIAN FETISH!!! PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM, ASH!!!" Giovanni roared.   
"WHERE'S MISTY???!!!!"   
"HUH?! I WAS ABOUT TO ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION..." 

Over in San Francisco... 

Mistney got on stage and quickly took notice of a massive group of girls lined up on a large stage all of them wearing next to nothing. The music started booming and the DJ of the San Francisco Rainbow Festival growled, "AND NOW THE MOMENT ALL YOU WILD LESBIANS HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR, MISTNEY SPEAROWS AND...DESTINY'S CHILD!!!   
The crowd roared as all of the members called out their names, "BEYONCI, KELLY, LeTAVIA, LaTOYA!!!...   
(a half-hour later...)   
...QUANISHA, JANELL, MOTEEFA, KUNTA, BONITA, LANIQUA, CLOBUBBA...   
(another half-hour later)   
...KATREENA, NAOMI, JEMIMA, AMINETTA, YANITAFA, MICHELLAKI...   
(yet another half-hour later)   
...UMDUBU, IKABOBO, HANEEFA, ISHKABIBIL, UMM...AND THE NEWEST MEMBER, "RINI DIDDY!!!"   
Mistney shot awake, "Oops, that's my cue! Sorry, dozed off...SAILOR MINIMOON!!!"   
Rini Diddy ran to the mike and spat, "I AM RINI DIDDY, NEWEST POP STAR AND FUTURE LOVE SLAVE OF AARON CARTER!!! TOGETHER WE SHALL SHAG LIKE BUNNIES AND CREATE A NEW SUPERSPECIES THAT WILL BRAINWASH ALL OF YOU INTO MICHAEL JACKSON'S SERVANTS!!!"   
Looking at Rini, Misty regained some of her memory and quickly pounced on Rini, "OH NO YOU DON'T!!! YOU'RE NOT GONNA PUT THIS WORLD IN DANGER AGAIN!!!"   
Out of nowhere, May Oak busted in with two sub-machine guns and quickly shot up the first row of Destiny's Child members. Once clear, she threw a helio bomb into the group and nabbed Mistney, pulling her to safety.   
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!....drip...drip......drip.....   
"Are you okay, Misty?" May asked, but quickly took notice of Rini, who was still alive.   
"HAHAHAHA!!!! YOU CAN'T KILL ME, I AM RINI, DEMIGODDESS OF ANNOYING ANIME GIRLS!!! MICHAEL JACKSON WILL RULE THE WORLD AND ME AND AARON CARTER WILL RULE BY HIS CHILD-MOLESTING SIDE!!!" and with that, Rini Diddy hopped in a car and sped off in the direction of Pallet Town.   
George Michael came, "WELL THIS SUCKS!!! THE ENTERTAINMENT'S DEAD AND ALL THE GAY FESTIVAL GOERS ARE CHASING ELTON JOHN'S ASS FOR SOME ANAL EXCAVATION...OOPS, DID THAT SLIP?!"   
May blew the smoke from her guns, "George Michael, you have to teleport Misty back to Team Rocket HQ!!! THE FATE OF THE WORLD IS AT STAKE!!!"   
Misty sighed, "What's the problem now...?"   
(5 confusing minutes later...)   
George Michael lisped quickly, "So you're telling me that some maniac out there is planning world conquest by combining the Three Sacred Pop Star Objects of Legend, which are Michael Jackson's Old Nose, Aaron Carter's Sperm, and Britney Spears's Fake Boob, thus brainwashing everyone into groupie-slaves?!" (A/N I was playing "Legend of Dragoon" when I wrote this part...)   
May Oak nodded while Misty commented, "That's about as bizarre, pointless, and confusing as a Final Fantasy plot...ACK!!!...POT?! WHERE?! ACK!!!"   
George Michael summoned a portal, "LET'S GET YOU BACK THERE PRONTO!!! I DON'T WANNA MISS THE FESTIVAL'S K-Y LUBRICANT WRESTLING TOURNAMENT!!! OOPS, DID THAT SLIP?!"   
As they left, May Oak also disappeared into the shadows, "I gotta report this to my sugar daddy..." 

Upstairs at Club LeTwerps (Ash's House) in Pallet Town... 

Giselle and Tracey were snuck upstairs by Misty's Staryu and Poliwrath, both wearing very stylish, mobster-like tuxes. The Psyfather allowed room rentals on one condition only, which was to conform to the PG-13 rating on this fic. Bummer. Misty's pokemon chaperoned the door to enforce the will of the Psyfather, listening intently.   
Giselle quickly jumped on Tracey and tongue-kissed his tonsils out.   
Tracey mumbled, "MMRRFF...GISELLE!!! MRRFF!!! WE CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER!!! THE PG-13 RATING!!! THE PSYFATHER MIGHT ORDER US WACKED WITH WATER GUN IF WE GO NC-17!!!"   
"Oh, don't worry Tracey-kins...There're ways around the PG-13 rating..."   
Giselle started unbuttoning her Pokemon Tech uniform. Tracey drooled as, little by little, he could see her cleavage, then some straps, until...   
RIIIIIPPPP!!!!!!   
In a swift movement, Giselle ripped off her uniform, to reveal A SKIMPY LEATHER DOMINATRIX OUTFIT!!!   
"OKAY, SLAVE!!! STRIP DOWN TO YOUR BOXERS!!!" Giselle yelled as she pulled out a LONG whip, "NNNNOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!" *whip-CRACK!!!*   
"YIIIEEEEEE!!!!! OUCHIE!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
(an hour later...)   
"Now, what is my name, Tracey?!"   
"Umm...Giselle?!"   
"NO!!! *whip-SMACK!!!*   
"OUCH!!!"   
"FROM NOW ON, YOU CALL ME "PROFESSOR GISELLE, QUEEN OF TRACEY'S ASS!!!" Now...what's my name, again?!"   
"Professor Giselle, Queen of Tracey's ass!!!"   
"LOUDER WITH CONVICTION!!! *whoosh-whip-SMACK!!!*   
**"AAAHHHHH!!!! PROFESSOR GISELLE, QUEEN OF TRACEY'S ASS!!!"**

Team Rocket HQ... 

*PUH-FWORT!!!*   
A flash of rainbow colors came next to Ash as he faced off against Giovanni, revealing both George Michael and Mistney.   
"HELLO, MY LITTLE SWEET DREAM TUSH OF DESIRE, OOPS DID THAT SLIP?! I MEAN, HELLO ASH!!! GUESS WHO'S WITH ME?!"   
"MISTY!!!" Ash yelped in joy.   
Giovanni growled, "WE SHALL HAVE TO SETTLE THIS ANOTHER TIME, PERHAPS AS THE CLIMACTIC FINAL BATTLE OF THIS FIC!!! OOPS, DID THAT SLIP?!"   
With those words, Giovanni sweatdropped for revealing too much of the future plot and disappeared with a smoke bomb, while Ash shook Misty back into her senses.   
George Michael spoke, "WELL, I HAVE TO RUN. I HAVE TO SAVE ELTON JOHN FROM GETTING HIS POOPY STUFFED BY DRUNKEN 40-YEAR OLD HOMOSEXUALS, OOPS DID THAT SLIP?! BYE!!!"and teleported out of there.   
Misty came back to her senses and saw Ash's face, "You?! The boy with the Pikachu?! I'm sorry, but I have some superslut stuck in my brain and have partial amnesia. Can you help me...remember?!"   
Ash thought for a moment and quickly unzipped a bit of Misty's dress and hickeyed the upper half of her left boob.   
Misty's eyes shot open, "OHHHhhh...ASH!!! Your name's Ash!!! Umm...do it again now!!!"   
"I think we'll go over the PG-13 rating if we keep going," Ash groaned, "Hey, look at that. Giovanni conveniently left a secret door behind his desk open!"   
"Maybe we should go in and...ACK!!! SUCK ME AGAIN, ASH!!! RIGHT IN MY PU$$@!^!#@$@!@$%FINGER(author pauses)AND F!#^#^&#$@#!$JERKMELIKEAARONCARTERAND!@%!$!@%!^%!LIKEMYDADUSEDTODO!@!!%@^@#^&$#%!!!!!!!!!!!"   
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" 

Downstairs at Ash's House in Pallet... 

"What did you do to me Jessie???!!! I look like a two-cent slut!!!" Melody growled as she carefully walked in her new outfit.   
Jessie yelled back, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "TWO-CENT SLUT"???!!!! THAT'S HOW I USUALLY DRESS!!!"   
"EXACTLY!!! PEOPLE CAN SEE UP MY BUTTCRACK!!! AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR???!!! IT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS SNORTED BY SNUFFLEUPAGUS OF SESAME STREET!!! THERE'S NO WAY ASH IS GONNA LIKE ME LOOKING LIKE THIS!!!" 

**And now, a public service announcement from your friends at Sesame Street...**   
"Please Big Bird!!! I needs mo' elephant Pez!!! Just one more shot, baby!!! It's me, your old pal Snuffleupagus!!!"   
Big Bird pulled his drugs back in his trenchcoat, "I'm sorry, Snuffles bro!!! I'm cutting you off!!!"   
"No...please, no...COME ON!!! PLEASE, MAN!!! I...I...I...I'LL SUCK YOUR D!%#!!!!"   
"Umm, Snuffleupagus...that's physically impossible between us."   
A man with a stick up his ass walks in, "Hello. I'm Attorney General John Asscroft, here with Big Bird and Snuffleupagus with an important message for all you kids out there. Just say no to drugs!!! It gets you nowhere in life."   
Big Bird scratched his head, "Umm, that's not entirely true. Your boss, George W. Bush snorted coke and he's President!!!"   
Snuffleupagus nabbed some pez rocks, "Yeah, and 95% of today's politicians do drugs, fool around with loose women, and live off corporate money!!!"   
Snuffleupagus pulled a gun out of his fur and shot John Asscroft, "Remember kids. Just say "yes" to drugs, loose women, and corporate money. With any luck, you can enter America's political system!!!"   
(A/N Don't flame me, Sesame Street lovers!!! I loved the program as a kid, too. Just good dirty fun with the old gang.)   
**This message sponsored by PBS, host to kids programs like Sesame Street: The Slum Years, Where in the Gulag is Carmen Sandiego?, Wishbone in China, Barney and the Worker's Union, and the award-winning Jim Lehrer Cuban Rumba Hour!**

**Okay...back to Mistney Spearows...(sweatdrops)**

Jessie calmed down and thoughtfully answered, "Actually, if you think about, your chances with Ash are even better. Misty walked around in a tank top with short shorts and look where it got her..."   
"YOU'RE RIGHT!!!" Melody rejoiced and thought, "Soon Ash will fondle my half-exposed bootycrack...*blush*"   
James pondered, "Jessie, I keep hearing strange sounds from upstairs. I could've sworn I heard something about a professor and Tracey's ass?!"   
Brock and Sailor Mars turned blue, "Umm, we don't wanna know..." 

Team Rocket HQ, 10:00 P.M. 

Ash and Mistney walked into a secret vault behind Giovanni's office, which led into a long hallway lined with pictures of Giovanni and Persian, some of them at a strip club, some of them with Robert Downey Jr, Charlie Sheen, Marion Barry, and one very intimate picture of him and Persian hugging Michael Jackson at the Never-neverland Ranch. They arrived at a dead end with perhaps the most disturbing blown up photo. It was of Giovanni on a pink bed only in his briefs hugging Persian in leather. Ash found a red button, pressed it, and a sound played.   
"WHO'S YOUR DADDY, PERSIAN!!!" *SMACK!!!* "PURR-RAAARRR...." "Unnnhh......"   
Ash turned blue and sweatdropped,"Umm, Misty?! What was "that" I just heard?!"   
"I REALLY don't wanna know...Look!!! A keypad with a bunch of letters!!!"   
Ash scratched his head, "Now, what letters should we press?!"   
"ASH!!!" Mistney yelled, "This one's pretty obvious!!!" she said as she pressed the letters...   
P-E-R-S-I-A-N...*click!*   
The vault open and cold smoke poured out. Automatically, a glass cylinder came out of the cryogenic vault. Inside the glass cylinder was a round piece of bloody silicone.   
The Britney half of Misty's brain growled, "MY BOOB!!!" and reached out toward the fake tit in the glass.   
"MISTY!!! NO!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT TIT'S BEEN!!!" Ash yelled as he held her back from touching the glass, but only too late...   
*BBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!*   
Both Ash and Misty were caught in a nasty shock as Britney's psyche was transferring itself from Misty's body into the fake boob in a glass. They fell back but were soon to be in for the scare of their lives.   
"Are you okay, Misty?!"   
"Yeah...HEY!!! I'M BACK TO NORMAL!!!...huh?!..Look, Ash!!! The boob!!!"   
(insert theme music from the "Terminator" series)   
The fake tit started moving and growing, until it busted out of the glass and slowly gained the shape and look of *gulp* Britney Spears!   
**"I AM THE B-1000, THE MOST ADVANCED "BITCHINATOR" MODEL OF ALL TIME!!! THE ENTITY KNOWN AS BRITNEY SPEARS IS MERELY A COVER, FOR I AM REALLY A SILICONE-ALLOY CYBORG FROM A POST-APOCALYPTIC FUTURE WHERE HUMANITY IS NEAR-EXTINCT AND THE PLANET IS RULED BY CYBORG BLONDES WITH FAKE BOOBS CONTROLLED BY THE ULTIMATE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE BLONDE COMPUTER, SLUTNET!!!"**   
Ash murmured, "Well, that's a weird future. You'd think the cyborg blondes wouldn't need fake boobs..."   
Misty giggled and ruminated, "Yeah! Breasts are nature's way of attracting men and producing milk for offspring. Robots don't really need them. Slutnet must not be too smart..."   
Ash kept himself from laughing, "What else would you expect from a blonde computer..."   
Britney-1000 growled, "HOW DARE YOU INSULT SLUTNET!!! YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR BLASPHEMY WITH MY SEX TOYS OF DESTRUCTION!!!"   
Ash and Misty simultaneously while hugging,"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Back in Pallet... 

Hidden Pikachu, Crouching Togepi, and Meowthhopper head towards the house but quickly took notice of the hordes of partygoers and the loud music making the house literally jump up and down. Completely unaware of what the hell was going on, Goldeen in a mechanized fishbowl with wheels drove up to them and pokespoke,   
"The Psyfather wishes to meet you, oh Chu Dan Warriors," Goldeen wiggled its horn, "He's gonna make you an offer you can't refuse..."   
Goldeen left, with the theme from the Godfather fading in as he left while Hidden Pikachu scratched his head, "What did I just see?!"   
"Umm...Misty's Goldeen driving a fishbowl with wheels..." Crouching Togepi sweatdropped.   
Meowthhopper continued, "It has a bumper sticker that says 'Death by Aquarium'"   
Hidden Pikachu and his disciples ran up to one of Ash's windows, "OH DEAR GOD NO!!! IT IS THE MASTURBATORY DEITY, AARON CARTER AND HIS "RIGHT-HAND MAN", SHAQ (A/N I know. Bad pun.) THEY'RE PREPARING THE ANCIENT JERKOFF RITUAL OF PRINCE WANG! WE MUST STOP THEM FROM MASTURBATING IMMEDIATELY!!!"   
Meowthhopper covered his eyes, "Too late..." 

**Next Episode:** The Intermission!!! Aaron Carter and Shaq perform the jerkoff ritual!!! Umm...maybe I shouldn't say anything. Just read the damn intermission...and no, I don't listen to Aaron Carter's sh!t music!!! I heard a bit of "Come Get It" on those annoying ass 'Radio Disney' commercials that play during the Pokemon block on WB11 and bummed the lyrics off the net and screwed around with them in very sick ways!!! 


	4. Intermission: Come Jerk It

mspearint.html **MISTNEY SPEAROWS**

**Intermission: Come Jerk It**

"Now we can unleash the final phase in our plot to take over the world!!!" Aaron Carter growled as he and Shaq, both lubed up with body oil, jumped on a coffee table in the middle of Ash's den wearing nothing but towels around their waists and smacking bottles of hand lotion along with the beat. Tons of partygoers, including the ones outside, looked on as Aaron and Shaq performed.   
(sung wetly with hand motions under their towels to Aaron Carter's "Come Get It" ) 

**Aaron talking to the clubgoers:**   
Here's a little bit of new sperm for ya,   
That smells a little something like this... 

I always tried to be the hippest kid in the block   
The popular one with my rising c*ck!!!   
So that's when I had this wet idea   
Throw the jerkoff of the month   
No, the jerkoff of the year!!! 

All the fine girls couldn't turn me down   
Now all I gotta do is get my parents out   
Should I send them to hell   
No, send them to a motel!!!   
I wanna jerk off, hmmmmmm   
For a long time, though (everyone in the club: "Very long!!!") 

I said Mom, Dad, yo why ya sittin home?   
When the last time you made Mommy moan?   
And don't worry about stayin' out too long   
Don't fuss over me, I'll be fine alone (everyone: "In the bathroom!!!") 

**Have a good time...**

The door bell rings cuz the party's here   
I'm crankin' up my penis like it's New Year's!!!   
Ejaculatin' 'round the house like who's Da Man   
(everyone: "Ain't nobody squirt it like Aaron can!!!") 

First on the toilet, you know that's me   
Masturbatin' like "Loveline" on MTV!!!   
I'm gettin' dizzy while I'm jerkin' cuz I lost my head   
When I climaxed on table, this is what I said!!! 

Babes all around you gotta   
(Erika: "Come jerk it!!!")   
Girlies all together jerk it off!!!   
(Prima: "Come jerk it!!!")   
Squirt all around 'cum' on   
(Ryoko: "Come jerk it!!!")   
What...!!!   
(Agatha: "Come jerk it!!!")   
Say it again!!!   
(Professor Ivy: "Come jerk it!!!") 

Babes all around you gotta   
(Sailor Mars: "Brock, what in the hell's this all about?!")   
From the top to the bottom, jerk off!!!   
(Duplica: "Come jerk it!!!")   
Here we go now, come on (*SPLURT!!!* sound of ejaculation)   
UH uh WHAT what UHHHhhh....ooohh.....aaaaahhh...... 

Na na na na... Na na na na... 

**Shaq tries to rap:**   
My semen's flowin' great   
Then to my surprise   
Charles Barkley walks in, I didn't recognize   
I said "NIGGA!!! Yo ya gotta get out!!! 

(everyone: "Hey Shaq!!! I heard there was free porn!!!")   
Free porn?   
(everyone: "Yeah that's what the flyers said!!!")   
I didn't put out flyers!   
(everyone: "Well some hornball did!!!") 

Then walked in   
The coach I'm crushin'   
And then I spilled my love juice   
On Mrs. Ketchum's new cushion   
(Mrs. Ketchum: "WHAT???!!!") 

I turned around and   
Cindy Crawford busted a tit   
(I hope it wasn't expensive)   
She got it from France   
For now I won't sweat it   
I'll clean the silicone later   
There's some lotion over there   
And I really wanna...umm...uhh...(long pause)...put it on my penis?!   
(everyone: "You can't rap!!!   
Don't quit the NBA, Shaq!!!") 

**Aaron's turn:**   
Dudes all around you gotta   
(AJ: "Come jerk it!!!")   
Dudes all together masturbate!!!   
(Tenchi: "Come jerk it!!!")   
Pump all around come on   
(Koga: "Come jerk it!!!")   
What?   
(Falkner: "Come jerk it!!!")   
Say it again here we go, uh   
(Brock: "Umm, come jerk it?! Rei, honey...?!") 

Dudes all around you gotta   
(Ranma: "Come jerk it!!!")   
From the bottom to the top, ejaculate!!!   
(King Kai: "Come jerk it!!!")   
Here we go now, cum on!!!   
Uh uh what WHAT?! *SPLURT* UHNnnnhh...busted a second nut... 

Aaron C's in the bathroom, here we go   
"Cum" with it 

Break it down   
(everyone while making jerking motions with hands: "pump, pump, pump, pump, pump...") 

(insert impending doom-like music like "One-Winged Angel" from Final Fantasy 7, or the "Sorceress" theme from Final Fantasy 8. Either one's just fine!!!)   
Everyone in Ash's house, except for Giselle, Tracey, the Chu Dan Warriors, and the Psyfather crime family, was under the spell of Aaron's unholy jerkoff ritual.   
"I AM THE MASTURBATORY DEITY, AARON CARTER!!! SOON I AND MY SERVANT SHAQ WILL ENSLAVE YOU ALL AND ASSIMILATE YOU INTO THE COLLECTIVE WILL OF OUR LORD, THE KING OF POP, MICHAEL JACKSON!!!   
Shaq giggled, "You beat his meat, too!!!"   
Aaron growls, "WILL YOU STOP THAT?! QUIT TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT ALL THE MEAT THAT I BEAT!!!"   
Shaq still kept smiling stupidly, "He beat my meat!!!"   
"EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I BEAT YOUR MEAT ALREADY!!! WILL YA' SHUT UP!!!"   
"Macaulay Culkin..."   
"SHHH!!!!"   
"David Boreanaz..."   
"DAMN YOU!!!"   
"Ashley Olsen..."   
"SHUT UP!!! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP ASHLEY'S PENIS A SECRET, REMEMBER!!!"   
"But Aaron, you beat all of our meats!!! We love you..."   
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

**Next Episode:** Jigglypuff Vs. The Power Rangers...and Lawrence III?! Ash and Misty race to Pallet Town to stop the B-1000!!! Mrs. Ketchum's in for the shock of her life!!! The Chu Dan knock Psyduck back into his senses!!! More S&M with Giselle and Tracey!!! Michael Jackson stops by for the newly acquired vessel of doom, the Death Jizzer!!! And more insane crap!!! 


End file.
